


Quidditch is an Aphrodisiac

by RerumTechnologies



Series: General Ficlets and Fuckery [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Fluff and Humor, Gryffindor Steve Rogers, Hufflepuff Pepper Potts, Keeper Steve Rogers, M/M, Quidditch, Quidditch Captain Steve Rogers, Slytherin Tony Stark, Susan Bones as Deputy Headmistress, tony stark is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RerumTechnologies/pseuds/RerumTechnologies
Summary: Stony at Hogwarts with lots of flirting and humorous Quidditch commentating bc I watched the harry potter movies and I want Lee Jordan in all his commentating glory. Seriously, we were robbed.“Who’s that?”“You’re kidding.” Tony gives Pepper this look that says, ‘If I was kidding, why wouldn’t I be talking him up right now?’. She sighs, “Steve Rogers. Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and so out of your league.”
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: General Ficlets and Fuckery [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868614
Comments: 4
Kudos: 129





	Quidditch is an Aphrodisiac

Tony Stark doesn’t know Steven Rogers even _exists_ until his sixth year.

Maybe that’s not true. Sure, there was talk about Rogers years before that, but it was all Gryffindor talk, right? Gryffindor’s new Keeper, ooh ah. Whatever. He isn’t that interested in Quidditch anyway. He likes going to the games – who doesn’t – but it isn’t the highlight of his life like it is for Peggy, Tasha, and Rhodey. They really get into it. It’s kinda scary sometimes.

He thinks that Peggy had a crush on him – Steve, not Tony, ew – for a bit but that was the year his mo-parents died. Tony thinks that gives him a little leeway in the friend department.

But in his sixth year, it’s like someone cast _scourgify_ on his eyes, scrubbing his vision clean. He can _see_. Merlin's pointy hat, can he see.

He can see a really nice pair of shoulders, a sharp jawline, blue eyes, and – oh, wow – what an ass.

“Stop drooling, Tony,” Pepper says, not even looking up from her work as she hands him a napkin. He’s totally not drooling. He dabs at his face anyway.

“Who’s that?”

“You’re kidding.” Tony gives her this look that says, _‘If I was kidding, why wouldn’t I be talking him up right now?’_. She sighs, “Steve Rogers. Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and so out of your league.”

“Aren’t you, as a Hufflepuff, supposed to be supportive and friendly and stuff?”

She grins at him, “You don’t need supportive and friendly. You need a wrangler.”

Tony puts a hand to his heart, laying down flat on the bench. Pepper and Tony managed to grab the best table in the library, the only one with cushions because Peeves likes to make off with them. “You wound me Pep. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you weren’t even here for my charming company.” A few fifth-year Ravenclaws giggle as they walk by. Tony watches Rogers stop in the Charms section. “Is he dating anyone?”

“Still out of your league.”

Tony draws out her name into a whine, “Pepper,” He sticks his bottom lip out. She tries and fails to hide a smile.

“No.”

“No, he’s not dating anyone or no, you won’t answer a simple, innocent question?”

“There’s nothing innocent about it.” A pause, “No, he’s not dating anyone.”

“Yes,” Tony restrains himself from doing a fist pump, but it’s a close thing. He has his dignity.

Pepper sighs again, “You’re going to make a mess of this.”

“A mess of what?” Bruce says as he sits down followed by Rhodey, Peggy, Tasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, and Pietro. Clint nearly shoves Tony off the bench before he has a chance to sit back up.

“Tony wants to ask out Steve.”

“Really?” Tasha drawls, eyeing him. Tony sticks his tongue out at her.

“Roger’s is a good man. I doubt he will accept.” Pietro smirks. Wanda kicks him under the table.

“He is a good man,” Wanda says, still glaring at her brother, “But so are you.” She shoots Tony a smile before opening her Transfiguration textbook and getting to work.

Tony, despite himself, feels his heart warm just a bit. “Here,” He summons his Transfiguration Year 4 textbook. It lands with a loud thunk in front of Clint who’d just been dozing off. “You get StarkNotes.” Clint smacks him before settling into sleep again. Wanda beams, taking the book immediately and sharing it with Vision.

“I told you that’s a horrible name for it. Your notes _add_ to the amount of text, they don’t summarize it.” Bruce shakes his head sadly, “I need to stop teaching you muggle things.”

“The internet is a wonderful thing, Brucie.” Bruce just grunts.

Steve Rogers finally leaves the Charms section after ten minutes of Tony staring at him. Their eyes meet. Tony’s smile is instinctual, and Rogers looks a little stunned but then he smiles back, before walking out of the library.

The next time Tony sees Steve is at breakfast just before the fifth game of the season. Tony’d been studying up on Quidditch since their library encounter (“That was not an encounter, Tony.” Silly, silly Pepper. There were sparks. He saw them. Steve saw them.) The more Tony read about it, the more interesting it became, and not just because of Steve. He memorizes all of the fouls, tactics, and rules just out of habit.

Tony casts casual glances at the Gryffindor table, watching Rogers eat quickly and quietly. He looks a little nervous but determined. Tony assumes that’s how he is for every game. This one is Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff had a crap team this year. He keeps telling Parker he should try out, but the kid has zero confidence in his Seeking. Even though he’d be _awesome_.

Just as Steve gets up, probably to go change, their eyes meet. Tony’s smile is slower this time, a tingling giddy feeling rises in his stomach as it grows. Steve’s face goes a little pink. Tony winks.

Steve chokes on nothing and practically flies out of the Great Hall.

Tony grins all through the rest of breakfast and Gryffindor’s predictable win later. As he’s going back up to the castle, talking and laughing with his friends, he sees Rogers ahead of him still celebrating with the rest of the Gryffindors.

That giddy feeling makes itself known.

He doesn’t just study up on Quidditch. He studies up on Rogers too. Turns out they have a lot of mutual friends. Tony manages to pump Pepper, Peggy, Rhodey, Tasha, and Parker for information. Along with some clever inquiries under his companies name.

Muggle-born. Orphan. American. Adopted fathers were military and stationed in Europe. One year below, Tony. Excels in Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. Not doing so well in Charms. His best friend is James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, also in the year below him. The kid who lost an arm to a dragon. He has a prosthetic from St. Mungo’s, but it’s definitely not state-of-the-art. They grew up together.

Tony gets side-tracked staring at the specs for the arm St. Mungo’s sent over. Crappy. Just shoddy work. Who the hell designed this? He looks at the schematics and smirks. _Howard Stark_.

Tony’s brain fires and he grins. He’s always loved showing up dear old Dad.

Two weeks later, after a few owls and many omniocular recordings of Barnes in action on the Quidditch pitch Tony makes his move.

“Barnes!” Barnes and Rogers stop and turn. Steve’s face goes slightly pink, and he smiles. Tony gives him a dazzling one in return.

Barnes just raises a brow, “What?”

Tony ignores his prickliness and strides closer, “I have a favour to ask.”

“Why would I do you a favour?” Steve elbows him, but Bucky shrugs.

Tony stops in front of him and grins wider, “I’d like you to test my new prosthetic arm.”

“Don’t you have a whole company of guinea pigs waiting for you?” Bucky makes to turn away. Steve grabs his arm.

“Sorry, Bucky’s not good with polite conversation. He means thank you, but–”

“No, it’s fine.” Tony waves away his apology, “It’s just I had this idea for sports prosthetics. More feeling, a hell of a lot more movement and way more human-looking. But it is just a prototype so…”

“My arm was bitten off by a dragon. That means it was cauterized. How the hell are you going to restore feeling?”

Tony grins, “Is that a yes?”

Steve looks incredibly hopeful and happy. Bucky looks like he’s bitten into a lemon. Steve nudges him, “Yes,” he grinds out.

By the end of the year, Bucky has a fully functional arm that looks so much like the real thing it wouldn’t be possible for people who didn’t know him to tell the difference. Bucky can tell the difference, and so could anyone holding both hands at the same time, but otherwise?

Tony is a genius.

“Tony, you’re a genius!” Steve pulls him into a hug on their last fitting day, watching Bucky toss the quaffle from one hand to the other, grinning madly. “Isn’t he a genius, Buck?”

“Yeah, he’s okay,” but Bucky’s grinning like a loon too.

Tony shrugs, concentrating more on the fact that Steve still has one arm around him.

He considers his options. Bucky’s suitably distracted, maybe –

Steve coughs and pulls his arm away, “You’re a great guy, Tony.” He slaps a hand on his shoulder.

It’s like Steve pushed it out of him, with his bright smile and his blue eyes and his big hands. Tony’s noticed those hands over the last few months. Those are some beautiful hands.

“You want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” Steve’s eyes light up. He starts to smile, opens his mouth –

“Yeah, Hogsmeade sounds fun.” Bucky slings an arm around Steve’s shoulders. “We were planning on going with some of our friends. Wanna bring some other people too? We’ll make a party out of it.”

Tony’s smile switches from easy-Steve-smile to schmoozing-the-public-smirk in one second flat. “Sounds fun.” Steve is still grinning, so he must not have understood either.

They end up at the Three Broomsticks of course, and Tony manages to snag a seat by Steve while everyone watches Bucky show off his new and improved arm. Their whole group barely fits at the two tables they’ve dragged together.

“Really, though, thanks,” Steve mutters to him later while everyone is distracted. Natasha and Bucky are in round three of their arm-wrestling match. Tasha – 1. Bucky – 1.

“No problem. Not like I had many other limbless Quidditch players to test it on.” Tony winks and laughs when Steve sputters into his butterbeer.

It’s a pretty good end to the year.

In his seventh year, Tony gets serious.

The first week of school, Tony finds Steve in the library. He steps up behind him and lifts up onto his toes to blow in his ear. Steve yelps as Tony laughs. “Hey Rogers, don’t be scared, it’s only me.”

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs out a breath, “Don’t do that.”

“Or what?” Tony leers. Steve’s ears colour.

“Or I’ll tell Pepper.”

“Aww,” Tony sticks his bottom lip out, “No need to spoil my fun.” He checks his watch, “I gotta go just wanted to say hi.” He lets his eyes trail from Steve’s feet to the tips of his ears, his smile growing wider, “Hi, Steve.” And then he leaves.

Pepper tells him later that Peter said that Jane said that Thor said that Bucky said that Steve looked flushed when he came back from the library.

Mission accomplished.

He next sees Steve by the lake during his free period on Friday. He’s splayed out with the sun shining in his hair and his tie covering his eyes. Both arms are flung over his head in a relaxed, comfortable way. Tony can’t help but imagine him in much the same position in a bed. Maybe Tony’s own tie circling his wrists.

He kneels down above Steve and grabs him by the wrists, “Bad place to take a nap, Rogers.” He pauses for a moment before smirking, “A dainty bloke like you could get a sunburn.”

Steve’s lips quirk up. “Not all of us can have good genes,” He jerks his head, so his tie falls away from his eyes. Tony moves so he’s blocking the sun.

Tony’s eyes rove over him, “Oh, I don’t know,” He bares his teeth playfully, finally meeting Steve’s gaze, “You’ve got pretty good genes.” The bell tolls across the grounds. Tony heaves a sigh, “Oh bother, late for class.” He flashes a grin before standing up and striding away, “See you later, Rogers.”

Steve’s soft “Bye…” drifts over the grass to him.

If his step has a bit more bounce than usual, no one could prove it’s all Steve’s fault. Even if it is.

And then it’s the first game of the season.

“Tony!” Steve waves at him from the Gryffindor table, Tony gestures Tasha on to their own table and strolls over.

“Hey, handsome, good luck today.”

Steve turns bright red, “Thanks, um. I wanted to ask if you knew who the commentator is? Since Darcy decided against it this year.”

“You mean she was finally banned,” Wilson said, shovelling eggs into his mouth.

“I heard it was a Slytherin commentating,” Bucky eyes Tony speculatively, “Any ideas?”

“Guess you’ll have to find out,” Tony grins, “Bye, Steve.”

“Bye…”

Tony shivers like eyes are on him as he walks back to the Slytherin table.

“Hello Hogwarts, and welcome the first Quidditch match of the season, Gryffindor versus Slytherin!” The crowd roars and stomps their feet in the stands, “The Gryffindor team is entering the pitch. We’ve got van Dyne, Rhodes, Barnes, Wilson, Odinson, Douglas, and of course last, but certainly not least, the handsome Keeper and Captain Steven Rogers. Give us a wave, Rogers!” The crowd cheered as Steve gave a shy but laughing wave, “Flex a little, why don’t you?” There’s a chorus of whistling from all sides of the stadium. Steve gestures at the podium where Tony is grinning from ear to ear. “There’s no need to be rude, love. And here comes Slytherin! They’ve put together quite the team this year with Maximoff, Carter, Romanov, T’Challa, Gamora, Nebula, and Quill. Don’t be jealous Romanov you’re a lovely captain too. Blow us a kiss?” The gorgeous redheaded seventh-year bows to the podium and blows a kiss. “Wonderful showmanship. Steve, you could take a leaf out of her book.” There’s laughter around the stadium. “And as we wait for Madame Hooch to put the quaffle into play, let's admire how pretty both teams are this year. Steven Rogers is blushing like a virgin, but Peter Quill and Bucky Barnes seem to have accepted their beauty as fact.”

Professor Bones sends him a narrowed eyed look that Tony returns with a charming smile, “Of course Professor, you’re rather pretty too.” She rolls her eyes, “And they’re off!” Tony clutches the podium with both hands, a manic grin on his face, quaffle is immediately taken by Natasha Romanov of Slytherin. She’s pelting down the field, Wilson’s going to head her off. Romanov passes to T’Challa. T’Challa to Carter. Carter to – oh no! She’s intercepted by Sam Wilson of Gryffindor. Wilson’s taking it back up the pitch. He dodges a bludger hit his way by Gamora. Another one by Nebula! The Slytherin chasers are racing to catch up with Romanov at the head. They’re on Wilson’s tail! Can they catch up? Oooh!” Tony hisses sympathetically as one of the Slytherin chasers gets blindsided by a bludger. “Looks like Carter’s taking a beating today, just got a bludger to the side from the pretty large but largely pretty Thor Odinson. Wilson’s almost at the goalposts, neck and neck with Romanov! Wilson passes to Rhodes. Rhodes enters the scoring area! He shoots! He – He’s _blocked_ by Keeper Peter Quill!” Tony curses, there’s a cleared throat and then, “Oh sorry, Professor Bones, forgot there were children about. Romanov back in possession!”

Tony has never enjoyed a game so much. Pepper would say it’s his penchant for showmanship, and Tony thinks she might be right. A little bit.

The chasers of both sides manage to score once, though Slytherin might have been able to get more in had Steve not been so good. “Way to go Rogers! He blocks yet another shot from T’Challa. Nicely done, Steve. And he looked amazing doing it. This boy must be part Veela.”

It’s nearly an hour before the snitch is even seen, Slytherin makes two more goals before Gryffindor is back in possession, “Gamora hits another bludger Barnes’ way, he dodges, he – he’s distracted? What the bloody hell are you staring at mate? Ooh! Ouch! That’s what you get for staring into space! A nice shot from Drax Douglas AKA the Destroyer, and you can see why he’s called that. Be careful, will you Barnes? I’ve already made you an arm, I don’t want to make you a nose too. Honestly, what was he – oh! The snitch!” There are gasps and cheers and a loud horn coming from somewhere in the Gryffindor stands. “First-year Seeker Hope van Dyne blasts past poor Barnes with his broken nose. Looks like Slytherin Seeker Pietro Maximoff has caught onto the action! Come on, Maximoff! You can do it van Dyne! Ooh, that’s got to hurt!” There’s a groan from the crowd. Tony winces, “Van Dyne knocked off course by Gamora’s bludger, reckon she’s got a broken leg. Walk it off, Hope! Maximoff was hit by van Dyne’s flailing limbs, and the snitch has gone. What a shame. What the hel-eck was Gamora thinking?” Tony huffs. “Strategy people come on.”

Romanov retakes the quaffle. The Slytherin team passes to each other so quickly all Tony can say is, “Romanov to T’Challa to Carter to T’Challa to Romanov to–”

And then Slytherin scores again, “T’Challa finally gets past Rogers! Slytherin leads, thirty points to ten. Sorry about that, Steve. I’d love to cheer you up later. Perhaps with some nice firewhiskey and candlelight? Oh! Merlin, no need to fall off your broom. Of course, I’m kidding professor, we’re underage. We won’t have firewhiskey. Maybe a nice mug of butterbeer instead? Rogers puts the quaffle into play, Gryffindor takes possession. Barnes passes to Rhodes. Rhodes to – hang on! There goes Maximoff again, speeding past the Gryffindor Chaser. Van Dyne dives to join him! They’re racing toward the Gryffindor goalposts! Maximoff’s right on top of it! He’s reaching out! Van Dyne is gaining! Is she going to catch them in time? Can he reach it!? Maximoff’s leaning off his broom. Is he – Merlin’s beard! Merlin’s bloody beard! He’s leapt off his broom! Did he–? He did! He’s caught it!” Tony gave a short bark of laughter. “Slytherin wins!”

The stands erupted into shouts and cheers, howls and hisses. Pietro is laughing and leaning on van Dyne who’d swooped down to land beside him. She’s currently hitting him repeatedly on the shoulder.

Tony is still talking, his voice booming over the cheering crowd, “What a magnificent catch by the new Slytherin Seeker! We all thought Romanov had gone berserk letting that jerk join up. But clearly, he’s got what it takes. Well done, Slytherin. Too bad Steve. I’m serious about that drink later. Don’t look at me like that, Professor. Obviously, I meant butterbeer. Way to go Slytherin! Well done! Romanov, don’t look so smug; you’ll make Rogers cry. Aw Steve, I didn’t mean it!” His cajoling tones end abruptly as his _sonorous_ charm is counteracted by Professor Bones. He shoots her a grin before jumping down the stairs. Steve is stalking his way toward the podium, broom gripped tightly in one hand.

For a mad moment, when Tony reaches the pitch and sees Steve stomping over, he thinks the Gryffindor is going to hex him.

“Look, Steve, I–” and then he can’t speak because Steve’s warm mouth is slanting against his. He’s sweaty, and he smells like three hours of Quidditch, but Tony wraps his arms around him anyway, deepening the kiss. Steve growls and actually lifts him from the ground. Tony moans a response and buries his hands in Steve’s short hair, tugging gently.

It takes a lot of whistling and catcalls and quite a few loud coughs by the teachers before they break apart.

“So, you said something about a drink?” Steve says breathlessly. Tony laughs and kisses him again only to have Professor Bones clear her throat loudly _again_.

“Alright professor, alright.” Tony folds his hands behind his back. “Why don’t you go shower. Then we can see about a drink. You know that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy on the seventh floor?” Steve nods, “Meet me there.”

Barnes wolf whistles somewhere to Tony’s left, “Shut up, Buck.” Steve yells before kissing Tony one last time and dashing off to the showers.

Steve Rogers and Tony Stark are the talk of the year. Tony keeps commentating. He’s by far the most popular commentator since Lee Jordan. A crowd favourite was a bit he thought of on the spot on a particularly cold Saturday in March. He dedicated a haiku to Steve’s bum. Well, he never mentioned the Keeper’s name, but it was heavily implied, “Oh what a bottom, I love to touch this bottom, this bottom is mine.”

Peeves starts singing it in the lavatories while students are trying to use them.

He starts training Wade Wilson (no relation to Sam Wilson, apparently) in his commentatoring ways. Wade’s words, not Tony’s. It’s more or less so Wade can woo a certain Peter Parker. Tony gives him his blessing – though why the lunatic would ask for _his_ blessing he had no idea – and promises Steve that not only would he be back for the Quidditch games next year, but he would commentate his last game even if he had to bewitch Wilson and stun a few professors.

Steve begs him not to, but Tony is determined.

He does end up commentating the last game Steve’s seventh year, much to the confusion of all the Professors, who can’t figure out why no one in their stand can be heard by the crowd. Tony has Natasha renewing the _silencio_ charm every few minutes just in case.

“Hello, Hogwarts.” Professor Bones’ death stare could cleave him into, but Tony just grins, “Welcome to the final Quidditch match of the season Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw! I hope you’ve missed me because I’ve got a brand-new poem about a certain Captain’s bum that I think you’ll love.”

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED IN MY SURVEY!
> 
> Find me on tumblr with the same name!
> 
> Leave a comment on your way out and may you find many happy OTPs and AUs!


End file.
